Bittersweet

As I lie awake, with a feeling I can’t shake.

Living in a life so bittersweet, like uninterrupted dream.

Do you hear me calling out?

Are you even listening to a single word I’m about to say?

Friendship

“She is a friend of mine, brother. Once we were in the same school and followed the very same reunion. This cannot be bothered with shallow emotion and halfhearted decision. And for the last time, I’m not a kid. I am a grown up man.”

I took a deep breath. Listening to this conversation again and again doesn’t make me any wiser. The little kid who was once running around chasing butterflies are now past his teens. It’s unusual for him to call me to talk about this feeling-related problem. It had always been work-related question on how to make this or how to develop that or where I got my suits, or jacket. I know I have a good taste for the latter.

“How is she?”. So I asked him.

“She was once with by best friend. They were together for more than a year. They and I went to different school. This you know. And I hadn’t seen her until I graduated. You remember the small reunion to which you suggested me to attend? That was the first time I met her since then.”

“So you develop feelings for her?”

“Not instantaneously, no. Back then I didn’t know that they had broken up so I acted as usual. I thought that it was just because reunion atmosphere that triggered such emotion. You know, it’s like you want to talk about everything when you meet you friend after long time not seeing them.”

“And?”

“I was under impression that they would marry after both of them finished college. So, I had made peace with that. Now that she is single again, I think I develop feeling for her.”

“Long story short, you fall for her after knowing that she is single again? I have taught you well, kid.” I responded. “And now you’re thinking that if you make a move, you’re afraid that you’re gonna lose your friendship with her?”

“Yeah. Have you any thought on this, brother?”

Don’t Know Why

baby don’t know why I cry
さよなら 最后くらいちゃんと わかり合いたいよ
baby baby 二人が过ごした日々が大切なこと

2011.

Next code, please.

Platonic

So, where is she?

She smiled. The mood soothed the soul uneasiness. Feint sounds of music was playing. Was it Richard Clayderman’s? The thought of kind response was slow and it was decided that the best response was to pose a similar question.

Where is he?

It always has been like this. A relation without formal definition since it’s never implemented, even in hypothetical multi-dimension terms. Platonic, if you will, and the code doesn’t relate that much.

Slender hand stirring a glass of hot tea with hint of honey and melodious humming from unconscious mind replaced the sound of classical piano played around the corner. The other party chose to open a random book from a shelf nearby. While one was looking for an appropriate answer by letting one’s mind free, the other turned to old book recognized by its yellow-ish pages and worn-out cover.

The room wasn’t crowded but it was lively. Chatters were so soft that their words were indistinguishable. The best spot in this room was by the window. There was one table with just two seats, a perfect spot to talk. Sometimes the best word was silence and to let time do the talking.

I thought I would never come back here.

They serve the best tea in town. One smiled and responded kindly. You just have to understand your taste. One continued before returning to the book.

Sometimes, you can only taste the best tea once in your lifetime. So, it will always be the best tea ever served to you. One said. Some people two tables from here broke loose their laugh and began their entree. But now I taste it for the second time. Would you call it luck or a fruitious struggle?

For What’s Worth

You’ve got your dream, what would you do?

I’m, again, not really sure of how this is going when I’ve come to terms that life isn’t what is supposed to be. You finish your task late at night and have been sleep deprived for almost a week that you feel jumpy when waking up, that you have difficulties because a lot is going on in your mind without closure.

There is a list written on your little notebook, or stored inside your phone, or somewhere inside your brain. A list contains all your previous plan and somehow every time you open that list, success isn’t something you find often. You have derailed from your original track and now have been wondering in the wilderness of life. You have lost count of how many turn you had taken, of how many station had you changed your course.

Adventures, you said to yourself to keep your spirit up but deep down, you know it isn’t. You have been walking on bushes, on non-existent road, and you can’t see what’s around you. You can hear some echoes but they couldn’t lead you anywhere. You’re alone.

Supplies are running low and your time is obviously limited. No one knows when you will die or where you will die but it’s an eventuality that you will die. So, do you think dying alone in the middle of nowhere is worth for your journey? Do you really think that every little things you hold dear is worth giving up?

For what is worth, what is your life anyway? You have been long gone and nothing ever comes out of it. Do you really live? Or, are you living someone else’s life?

Hardwares

I’m not really sure how this ends up with me watching hardware reviews but it seems that it has been going on for a while now. Now, here comes the rambles.

When you have some computational workload, what would you do?

  1. Find the best machine you can afford, or
  2. Examine the problem until you can simplify the problem and thus minimize the workload

First option is you brute-forcing the problem but costing a lot of money, relative to the second option but it costs you your brain. In terms of computational workloads, usually people associate them with machine learning, data crunching, kernel compiling, video graphics manipulating, game development, and, the most important of all, gaming. But game is something you can postpone a little. The other tasks are not for you to delay.

Let’s say you have a big computational workload and you turn your head into a big machine with 32-cores of processing power, 128 GB of memory, and some GPUs as accelerators. It costs you a fortune and in the long run also costs you a maintenance fortune. But it will fasten your processing, though.

Your other option is facing the problem conceptually and try to find the core of the problem. i.e. if you are to crunch ten years worth of data, why bother compiling twenty years worth? If you can substitute non linear function with several linear functions with not so much difference results, why not using linear functions? Surely computing y = mx + c is simpler than some (dy / dt) = et-1 + c? The second options may cost you a simpler machine, such as quad core processor with half the memory with single small GPU as your accelerator. Your electric bill will be so much cheaper.

The main problem is that you have to find simpler representation of those non-linear functions, and that’s your another story.

Cheers.

Night Op

I’m beginning to think to let go of some of my ideas of raw, unrefined story. Here comes the series of Night Op. For introduction, this series tells about description of how night goes by depending on different point of view. Several characters are set to display their story and they are represented with first person pronoun.

Night ops resolve around a set of people who come from different walk of life. As the title suggests, their tales begin after dusk. When people go to sleep, they begin roaming around looking around, searching for a meaning of their life, creation, and destiny.

Though I’m not sure as to how the story may proceed, it haunts me nevertheless. Thus it has to go out. Next night op entries will be an introduction of characters. They are unnamed but I will try my best to describe them as unique as possible.


So, the night begins again. One opened his door and entered his house. After putting his shoes at its place and washing his hands, he brewed a cup of tea with two tea spoons of sugar. He sat on the floor and started to sip the tea. Warmth ran through his throat. His watch showed half past eleven pm. Time to bed, said he. But he didn’t go. His mind held him still and forced him to solve the problem he had been having for a while and refused to take care of it. He took a deep breath, close his eyes, and returned to the place he had been once. Danger close, he remembered. Be careful, he was warned. And he didn’t heed that.

Come And Go

Being adjusted to C-like syntax, it has become habit. So, I’m not really sure that Go will be my language in near future. Here’s some of Point definition for example.

type Point struct {
  X float64
  Y float64
}

Since this is not object oriented language, as far as I’ve known this for two days, creating a point goes like this.

func create_point(x, y float64) Point {
  some_point := Point{x, y}
  return some_point
}

Now, let’s make five new points and print them. First, define print method.

func print_points(arr []Point) {
  length := len(arr)
  if length > 0 {
    for i:=0; i<length; i++ {
      fmt.Println("Hello Point ", arr[i])
    }
  } else {
    fmt.Println("Empty point.")
  }
}

Then define the main function.

func main() {
  fmt.Println("Hello, playground", create_point(0,89))
  var points [5]Point
  for i := 0; i < 5; i++ {
    points[i] = create_point(float64(i), float64(i + 1))
  }
  print_points(points[0:])
}

It should work. It has to. Good night.

Crying for Love

Another late night working and looking for something to ease the pain of staying late.

Crying for Love

One begs a question though, why, somehow, does this “unknown” artist or musician or singer have this beautiful beat and lyrics?

I’m missing your body, missing your eyes
And missing the way you look at me
But you’ll never love me, you’ve never loved me
Why do you break my peace
And I’m crying for your love
And I’m hearing your voice

So, why does the singer sing this way?

Bury the Light

So, while Dante has embrace his human heritage, his twin brother, Vergil did the otherwise. Makes me wonder if having human heritage is that bad for him so he decided to remove his human heritage from himself.

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