What to forgive exactly? | Daily Prompt: Forgive and Forget?

We all have hated someone for his/her flaw towards us. I bring this question, “What to forgive exactly?”, because I need to see myself acknowledge what it is to us to forgive and, may be, you also need to. This is the description of this topic.

Share a story where it was very difficult for you to forgive the perpetrator for wronging you, but you did it — you forgave them.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us REPENTANCE.

At least two times I have been in anger by two same things, betrayal. I don’t know about other people if these cases could be considered as backstabbing or just friendly and daily friction. For me, these things were big deal. I would just skip the details because for me that’s not important. I would rather jump to the point where I could overcome this anger which then was proven to be easy.

I hated them because their betrayal and arrogance but then again, why did I hate them for? What does the hatred bring to me? In the end, there is nothing. This hatred only makes me weak and weaker, time after time. It was indeed that their fault were unforgivable but I asked myself again, really? How come I could judge people when I didn’t pay attention to myself like if I was worth to be trusted or if I was worth to befriend with or even the basic one such as if they were friends.

The more I asked, the more I learned that I wasn’t a good person back then. I was just jealous of people’s success so if there was anything about them, I wanted to join in and let the others left behind. If the others joined, I would instantly judge that my friend was a foe. Even though that was not all from me, a part of fault might come from them, the people who wronged me. By all means, if I hated them even more, they wouldn’t even bother. They could just move one and ignore my anger because in this world, my anger was and is just another grain of dust in desert.

I came to light of forgiving after one of them showed its true self. When everything pointed to that person and yet everything changed. I grew sympathy and I understood that the person might not need my care or anything from me but this could release me from further desire to revenge. So much I did to forget, to learn, and to forgive until I opened the door to an answer given by myself, surprisingly. Me said,

What to forgive exactly?
Yep, there is nothing to forgive. Your friends have done nothing wrong to you. They just abandoned you so then you might know who is your friends now. There is nothing wrong with them, the problem is within you. You considered them to be your friends whilst they are not. You tried to be one of them while you couldn’t and you will not be able to. You are you and what you have to forgive is not them but you. Forgive yourself because after so much detention you gave to yourself and there is no forgiveness, you are just torturing your poor soul.

Hatred and anger only make ourselves sad, pity, and weak because being anger to some people is easy. The forgiving only comes from the strong and to become strong there is a price which is not cheap. To be strong means learning about ourselves better and better overtime. To forgive means to understand ourselves with our flaw, to overcome it, and to be a better person. In the end, being strong means having a lifetime wisdom yet yearning for more of it or I might say, a strong man is a wise man. I wish we all can be that kind of person someday soon.

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what makes you stay awake: a sequence

Like what has been stated at the title: what makes you stay awake? Is it real or just imaginary? Is something you have done or someone else has? Is it worth or you will just throw it into a garbage can the move on? About this thing, I plan to write several posts and I thought it would be right to start with an intro. Something approximately like this one.

Introduction
Everything happened in our life points to one direction or another. Human brain might have the power to predict of what would occur based on accumulated facts. For each of what they foresee, there can be a spark of hope or despair which lead them into happiness or sorrow. Such things provoke people from their sleep or sometimes awake the dying from their slumber; a specific matter which keeps people’s eyes wide open and their mind wandering, prevents them from fall asleep, hold them in their imaginary worries and hope for what they desire most; a sequence of what should and shouldn’t happen, of what has and hasn’t been done, of what will and won’t happen.

For every leash, there are several stories and for a story, there is always be a listener and collector.

… and I wonder if I will be able to write about this, really.

what of their wings?

A kid sat on a bench in a garden beside an old man. This old man was watching birds in front of him eating and drinking in a fountain. A kid then asked.

Old man, what of the fallen angels? What of their majestic wings?

Old man then told an asking kid a story about the race of long forgotten. He began his tale.

This once was asked to one of fallen angels. They told a story of how a single betrayal could lead them to a wrath; how they were demoted into mere humans and stripped of their mighty wings. They lose a huge amount of their lifespan. They were forced to blend in with human and feel how it was to live with regret and deceit of human. They were to learn how it is to be slighted and how hard it is to not hate with severe bleeding.

Some of them tried their best to cooperate and in the end they repented but some of the others preferred making their haste to power. They forgot on what purpose they were hammered down to the earth. They ignored the fact that they were the fallen who once was a mighty race of all creation. They let themselves to be comprised by earthly affliction, disease, and downfall.

Some of the right side tried to stop these cursed devastation from spreading but not long their number became few and fewer. Some of them were killed by their own kind when trying to persuade them to light. Some of them were exiled because of their so-called foreign way of thinking. After such a long battle, the remaining of the right became a single grain of black sand in the middle of vast desert; their influence brought nothing and their scream was drowned in the middle of lousy daily sounds.

Ones of those who repented was granted their wings back; a insignia of honour and loyalty but not with their life and ascension. They lived their life here on earth. They witnessed everything in detail, memorised in their heart, wrote their wisdom and legacy in their books. They passed down these books to their descendants and so did the descendants. They didn’t forget about where their ancestor were born and what of their origin. They accepted their fate, their destiny and with the wisdom of their forefathers, they pressed on. After then they left this world with peace and no regret. They had their chances and they didn’t miss.

Ones of those who desired nothing and hated their destiny, they were given what they ever wanted: power. With it they conquered the world, they reigned over centuries with prosperity and wealth but their sleep wasn’t much and was so much frightening. Their steps were echoing all over the hallway. They felt insecure even they had their loyal soldiers protecting their life. They gave their descendants more power, so much power even then their descendants might kill them and that’s what happened. Their graves were majestic but again what of their slumber?

Ones were granted eternal freedom to get what they needed and the others were given what they desired most.

After telling this story, the old man went away in the mist of morning fog. He walked with help of his long walking stick. Slowly walking until we could not see his presence again. May his soul rest in peace and his wings deliver him to the place where he really belongs.

so long, butterfly

Such as a butterfly, it flies. There was a time when a caterpillar came out from an egg. It happened so long ago. A rain came down from limitless sky and I brought a umbrella. I stopped by the small garden and took a shelter from the downpour. As I looked around, I found this caterpillar trying to walk, if I might say it was walking. Well, it, as you might predict, ate a lot of leaves.

One day it grew so big, so big that it got so different from its previous size. I took a look closer and began to think when it would get to be a cocoon. Not so long, I found it wrapping itself with saliva and then became a cocoon. I left for home and started to count the day until the caterpillar burst out for the shell. In the of waiting, I took several things into my account: wind direction, moisture, even the water flow. I walked on the completely different path with the caterpillar for a quite long. After that I began to realize the day of its final transformation should be close.

I waited and waited until the cocoon showed its first step of breaking. I was surprised not because of the new form of the caterpillar but rather by the beauty if the nature. I would not dare to compare the wings with anything. It just was simply amazing. The weather that day was suitable for the butterfly to take its first flapping to the vast and clear sky. It then flew out embracing the warming sunlight, flew into freedom of which mankind could not achieve easily.

What are those butterfly would do after its flight? It, along with the companions, let just refer them with “they”, would probably make our gardens become more mesmerizing, colourful, and lovely. They said butterfly indicate a good environment, especially the vegetation. Would they be something we need not? One might say their breed, the caterpillar but after all everything has its cycle and if such beauty should be born from a relatively short madness, world may be able to just endure for a bit.

In the mist of glorifying morning, scene of their presence would calm such a noisy soul.