At a gymnasium nearby, near a football field, while being surrounded by thin bushes and vast plain of grass, there was a cloudy day with small dose of precipitation. Old calendar, being dusty and almost torn apart, showed January of 2009 in the middle of rainy season. There was a crowd hanging out in the building talking about different things.

I remembered that I was wearing black trousers, not jeans with white shirt, long sleeves with vertical thin stripes, rolled up to my elbows. My shoes were also black, casual. I also wore my old belt, St.Dupont and walked with my hands inside my pocket because of the weather. I was alone back then. The sky was cloudy around the building complex.

I came to the building for some unknown reason, or maybe I just got lost. I listened to their chatter as I walked by. Some people talked about college, family, culinary, and everything else. I saw myself out from the main hall and sat on one of three main tribune overlooking the grassy open space. I felt strange longing yet familiar, wet by dew with cooling and calming breeze blowing my hair. This tribune wasn’t so crowded. I only saw a couple or two having some small talks or jokes. They were loud, obviously. I have been there in my past times. I saw people making promise to their respective partner. One made a vow not to be separated, one made to get their dream college together, and many more.

As I walked to border fence from tribune, the wind got little prankish and even cooler. Some were still having fun and their shouts were heard against the wind. Bamboos played music of their own and became even louder. All sounds went into silence as I looked upto the sky. There was no sun and darkening cloud with shining gaps were moving calmly. I felt my phone vibrating.

Ja, warum? Meine Zeit ist fast vorbei? Ich werde nach Haus gehen. Ja, warten Sie bitte.

I walked back to where I came from, even though I didn’t really know where it was. I arrived in front of a glass door. I happened to see my reflection there but later I realized that it wasn’t mine. I had nothing reflected on the glass. Empty. I decided not to go back through the glass door. I used another way around, along grassy, wet sidewalk. Some people were there. I put my hands inside my pocket. With lazy steps I continued walking to the border gate. I stopped for a second because someone was on the way for a moment. I was compelled to see what that person was but my eyes seemed to be out of service. I could only see so far away.

When I arrived at the border, wind had got even colder. I sensed my existence fading as if I was carried away like dust but even smoother, lighter, and warmer. While trying to keep my consciousness, I stepped out from the building complex to a forest nearby. Ja, der Wald. Dunkel und kalt. That afternoon, lamps were turned on by themselves. I wondered if they were using some sunlight detectors or something. The light was yellow like in harbour. Crows began to sing along the sunset.

Du bist gekommen, endlich.

I was startled. Wer bist du? I was confused.

Strong wind blew my fading, thinning body. I saw myself losing shape. My image became blurry. That person had fair skin, or I might call it white and beautiful. She was classy with reddish light coming shyly from cloud gaps.

Wer sind Sie? Warum haben Sie meine Frage nicht geanwortet? I asked again hoping she would answer. She only smiled and raised her right hand. I thought she was going to fare me well, say good bye or some sort. I turned around and got back to road heading to the forest. I didn’t even understand myself why I was heading back that way. I just felt I needed to go there, to go back before I lost my consciousness completely.

Du hast hier gewessen. Wirst du hier kommen?

She smiled lightly, or so I thought. I couldn’t recognize her hair. She was so bright since her back was against the sunset. I couldn’t even figured her face completely.

Eine Fahrt? My mind raced as my body became even thinner. I was like broken cloth having holes here and there.

Wirst du mit mir sprechen?

She asked again without introducing herself. I couldn’t afford anymore time with her. My image was almost lost, this shape couldn’t hold for longer. I needed to go.

Ein anderes mal?


I continued walking again to go back. Just when I had my feet on the main road, my body, image, my physical evidence of my existence was gone. Just when the last dot that composed my body flew off, I remembered something.

Das ist dich.


Firstly drafted and published at 26 June 2010 on Kau. This post is an attempt of translation, written in English and some expressions are stated using German for practice.


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