Few days ago, I got a message from old acquaintance that someone had prepared one’s own plan to climb even higher, and asked if people would give a reference, or a supporting statement for one’s proposal. I stared upon the message and asked if this was true. Sadly, yes.
In terms of giving reference, I have no idea. But, in terms of asking for reference, I think I might say a thing or two. In past three years, I had been asking for reference from thesis supervisor, academic advisor, managers, team leaders, even a friend for work and grad school application. I remember how the asking happened, the questions both asked to me and I asked to whom I asked; questions which forced me to look deep down to myself and ask if I were in right place to ask for reference and worthy of their good words.
I read the message again and again, and tried to let myself calm down and accept the inevitable fate that even before paying respect for those one had left, one might go. Then, that I was in a place either to give or not to give a statement, I considered everything that had happened. Impression, behavior, character, knowledge, and experience were all spinning inside my head.
In the end, I did neither say nor write nor send any statement. I left everything as they had been before. Though, I admit that I had been curious. I wanted to know the motive behind the proposal, what was on the writing, and how people were pitched and convinced of the proposal. Questions about this had been sent and I wished to the answers. After all these years of living on both bad prejudice and impression, I might change my mind.