Rain Op – Doubt

The tower was near. A friend was reported to have an accident which I wasn’t aware of. He was fine when saying good bye to me at the airport. I remember him bringing a grey travel bag and a backpack. He said he was going abroad for no more than a week. I knew his promise and I also knew which he wouldn’t be able to keep. After a long flight and finished with video games on my phone, I arrived at local hospital. The receptionist greeted me and asked if there was something she could help. I mentioned his name.

Luckily, he had just come out from surgery and was being moved to ICU. I spoke to the nurse office about my intention of visit. Undoubtedly, the head nurse refused my presence because the patient wasn’t ready. I knew he was ready. I knew his physical prowess that he wouldn’t be downed that easy. The head nurse agreed that I might enter his room after anesthetic wore off. I waited.

My watch posed on 0900 local time. It was morning and I had enough sleep. I asked to the nurse office if I could pay my visit. They agreed and accompanied me to a chamber. The nurse left me alone with the patient. That patient still sounded asleep. I sat not far from the bed next to the window. I managed to get that day’s paper and started reading. The accident was on the headline. Not a moment later, he gained consciousness.

So, your run has finished? You’re late for what? Two years? Several months? Oh, don’t look so surprised. The coffeemaker told me where to find you.

And? Where do you want me to do? Go back, again? I got nothing left anywhere and nowhere to go. The only one I can wish to get me back on my feet is me. I have always wanted to get to the tower. Either being alone or not, I have always wanted to. And I did.

But at what cost? Think about it, kiddo. Really think about it.

Oh, don’t kiddo me. I knew your story. You had also your share of similar memories. Bitter ending which you despise so much. You ran around before settling on your shop, didn’t you? Why can’t I?

While still sitting down, I took a deep breath. I looked upon this young man being impressed and, maybe, obsessed by the idea of a living which he had been pursuing. I know from his parents his wounds, sweats, sleepless night, sadness, and anger. I understand his inferior feeling because being unable to achieve anything. His expression might be showing courage and spirit but I know people’s eyes too well. He was lost and instead of having people to support him, he was cast aside.

Did you find whatever you were looking before the accident occurred?

I asked him without looking at him. Newspaper was still opened on my hand. His voice was still weak. I was informed that there was a sudden explosion near the tower. That caused the window to shatter and some of the pieces stroke unfortunate people below. He was one of them.

No, I didn’t. Just like you said. Just like people said.

There was some vibration in his voice as if he was likely to break. His head was too crowded and there were too much to comprehend. Reality never was and never is easy. The only easy day is yesterday. This we both knew. I kept my silence until I finished with my newspaper. After that, I folded the paper back as it was before and walked to his bed.

Here. Should you want to know or just to kill time until nurse comes to administer your daily dose of medicine. I’ll be in the coffee shop.

After leaving him alone on his bed, I thought there should be more reasons as to why he chose this place. I knew the tower and that wasn’t that great. I understood his aspiration but to this extent? The only thing I saw during my bitter conversation with that man was his soul starting to deteriorate. I wonder if the coffee maker would share some details. It’s not like I wanted to get involved in other people’s matter but seeing how lucky he was avoiding death, it surely picked my interest.

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